your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
