mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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