nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
