I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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