He uses pillows to masturbate.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize