You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
