Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
