Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
