dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
