thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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