the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
