We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
