Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
