maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
