he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
