i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
