Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
