A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
We had to coat check the pizza.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
