Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Randomize
