Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
