Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
you inspire me to be a worse person
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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