I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Randomize
