i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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