as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i drank out of a bidet.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
