No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
