I wish i was in the wii world.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
How's work?
Spinning.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
