I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
