i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
