so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
