It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
