remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
