Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Randomize
