He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
