hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I understand Curling. That high.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize