Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
