You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Randomize
