But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
