I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
