tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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