thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
