It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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