I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
