just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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