If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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