people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
either way he was missing a nipple.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
