I can't breathe out the right side of my face
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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