when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
