As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize