Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
