i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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