I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
