Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
