We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
