I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
