I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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