You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
