White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
