dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
