everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
