Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
