Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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