shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
