Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
