She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize