Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
