i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
