Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
