Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
