I don't usually arrange sex via text message
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
