I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
