I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
