im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
