Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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