I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
