Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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