in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
