I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
