there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize