last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
