The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
