My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
there is glitter all over my balls
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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