Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
