I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
