I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize
