Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
