the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
