if you like me you must not know who I am
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Randomize
