i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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