Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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