nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
